Braving Boys

Summer 2010

Someone asked me the other day how my summer is going, and I responded that’s it’s going great, because most times, it’s pretty darn swell. We stay up late, sleep late, and we’re dabbling in piano, tumbling, and drama. We’ve been to the beach, the pool, a few lakes, a movie, and we’re headed for football season come August 1. What’s not to like about a flex schedule, plus all sorts of fun stuff? OK, so my boys don’t love my mandatory reading and writing, but it’s not that much, really, and I think they might even secretly like it.

So, yea, summer is going great. But it’s not entirely peachy and, so, it seems only fair that I confess another truth about these 70 unstructured no-school days:

My kids are making me crazy!

Here, my friends, is what is driving this momma mad:

Stop it, Joey! Stop it, Danny! Stop it, Joey! Stop it, Danny! All day long.

Can we get a toy? Can we get a toy? Can we get a toy? Buckets of cars, trucks, Lego, action figures, Webkinz and more are stuffed into our playroom and boy bedrooms, but there is apparently still a burning desire for one. more. Ben. 10. Guy.

Do I hafta? Do I hafta? Do I hafta? Do I hafta go to the pool? Do I hafta ride my bike? Do I hafta go outside? Aren’t kids supposed to like this stuff?

Just a little bit longer! Just a little bit longer! Just a little bit longer! Just one more TV show, one more Wii challenge, one more computer game. Who exactly bought all this electronic gear, anyway?

Then there’s the whole issue of listening. Sometimes, they do it. Most days, is seems, they don’t.

At risk of sounding like a whiner, I’ll stop there. And I’ll morph this post into something positive.

Yesterday, I asked my Facebook friends for a little insight. I wrote in my status update:

Why is it that my kids can be so perfectly behaved for other people but so rotten for me?

Sixteen comments came spilling in, several of them claiming “love” as the answer.

Huh?

Yes, love. The general idea is this:

You’re “safe” Jacki; they know that you will love and forgive them no matter what! Other people — they’re not so sure, so they are going to behave the way you’ve taught them to. / Melissa

What perspective, and just what I needed. Now, I’m not saying they won’t still push my buttons, and I won’t ever yell so loud I give myself a headache, but I really think this is going to help me. When they behave for others, I’ll know they really are listening to all I’ve taught them. When they misbehave for me, I’ll know my unconditional love for them is what allows them to display the raw and uncut versions of themselves. It’s no different, really, from how we all act — a little better in pubic than in private.

OK, this may sound a bit strange, but thank you, Joey and Danny, for your misbehavior. I had no idea how well I was loving you. And now that I know, I think our summer days might get a little bit better.

And no, I’m not buying another toy!

Listen up, boys!

Writer Abigail Thomas offers on her blog various assignments for writers — budding writers, experienced writers, any writers, really. She sets forth a task, and the writer writes. Today, I grabbed this assignment:

Two pages of instructions to the child

Here’s what I wrote in my black and white composition book that I’m calling my summer journal. I write almost every day with my boys, who are penning their summer journeys, and while they wrote about boating and building a basketball hoop, I filled two pages with instructions to them. Here’s what I wrote:

• Listen. How many times have you heard that word?
• Follow the rules. They are meant for your safety, or someone else’s safety. If there’s a rule for something, it means someone has tried doing things another way, and it didn’t work out so well. Mostly, anyway.
• When someone says, “Stop,” please stop. Right then. Not after you pester a few more times.
• Love. It’s so much easier than hate.
• Be honest. You’ll always be in less trouble for telling the truth than if I discover you have lied.
• Admit when you are wrong. Not many people can do this, so you’ll be a winner if you do. Plus, you’ll feel so much better about yourself in the end.
• Aim for peace in everything you do, not conflict.
• Find something that helps you cope with life — talking to someone, a jog, a good book, singing (Danny!) — because there will be lots of bumps in the road. Getting over them is key.
• Be your own person. Don’t copy what you think you like about someone else. Just be you.
• Don’t bully, and tell us if someone is bullying you, so we can help you nip it in the bud right away.
• Don’t hit, punch, bite, or harm in any way another person or animal. Even the teeny, tiny grasshopper you think would look nice squashed on our back porch. Just leave living things alone. Please. Even though I’m aware that you are boys and that’s kind of what you do — squash things.
• Tell us everything. We’ll love you no matter what.
• Learn to take care of yourself. Example: Master the chore of laundry before you leave for college.
• Try new things, and finish what you start. If you don’t like something, don’t go back for more. But don’t quit midstream.
• Pick nice friends. If your radar says someone is a little shady, listen to it.
• Listen to your gut. If it tells you something isn’t right, it probably isn’t.
• Eat healthy most of the time. I know you love bunches of candy, and ice cream, and cookies, and cake, but use them sparingly, because what you burn off your little bodies now won’t disappear so fast when you are something like 40. Believe me. I know. Oh, and healthy food keeps you, well, healthy.
• Exercise as much as you can, because it’s good for just about every part of your body.
• Wear your seat belt, because it just might save your life. Oh, and I’m sorry I’m keeping you in the backseat until you’re 12, even though I was up front as a wee one (and without a seat belt, too). The back is just the safest place for kids, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I let you sit near the airbag and it hurt you.
• Wear helmets. And mouth guards. And whatever safety gear is recommended for all the sports that worry me so.
• Don’t cheat. It’s never worth it.
• Always work your hardest. It’s always worth it.
• Don’t tattle unless someone or something is in danger. Translation: Try to settle your scores all by yourself. You’re old enough to do this now.
• Rest when your body needs it. You’ll know when this time comes, because you’ll be cranky and crabby and little red lines will appear across the whites of your eyes, just like they do for Daddy.
• Wash your hands after the potty. Magic soap is OK, but real soap and water is my preference.
• Brush and floss well. Trust me, you don’t want to pay the dentist for more than cleanings. Dental work is expensive. Way expensive!
• Clean out your ears. That wax is yucky.
• Cut your nails. I know you try to get away with growing them long, but it’s not attractive. Promise.
• Keep your hair tidy. I realize you want it long and hanging in your face, and swirled here and there, but a clean, short cut is so much more impressive, and it helps you see better, too. Remember that lady in Publix, Joey, who complimented you on your nice, short haircut? My point exactly.
• Help others. It makes them feel happy, and it will soothe your soul, too.
• Say please and thank you. Always.
• Write thank-you notes. I mean real notes with your beautiful handwriting, pouring out your gratitude.
• Speak when someone speaks to you. I’m talking teachers, and other kids’ parents, and, well, not strangers who make you feel uncomfortable.
• Never approach someone’s car, or accept a ride, or agree to anything unless your dad or I tell you it’s OK. Joey, I am so proud of you for walking in the rain that day, even though a neighbor had offered to bring you home.
• Know your address and phone number.
• Stick up for your family members at all times. There’s safety in numbers, and we are a strong 4!
• Before you take any action or make any decision, ask yourself if it’s worth it, and determine what the consequences might be if you move forward. Regret is a horrible thing.
• Learn from my mistakes, and Daddy’s mistakes. That’s why we tell you stories about hiding glasses in the bedroom closet in first grade and the horrible vision that may have resulted from not wearing them — so you see what a silly thing it was to do.
• Find a job you love. That way, it won’t really seem like work.
• And remember this key instruction: No matter what, no matter when, you can always come home.
• Oh, wait, one more thing: Don’t ramble on. Just get to the point. Like I clearly did not do in this post (hey, I had to write two pages, just following the rules). OK, I’ll stop instructing. You start living.

Photo: ashleigh290, Flickr

I just can’t tell him no, that cute little 6-year-old of mine, who challenges me every morning to swim 10 more laps than I did the previous day.

It all started with 24. Danny was home sick, and he came with me to the neighborhood pool where I’d planned to clock 20 laps. I jumped in the water, and he set himself up on a lounge chair with a towel. “Do 24!” he instructed, and I did. It was a nice push, and I felt pretty darn accomplished after my workout.

Still sick the next day, he was poolside again. “Do 30!” he declared. And so I did 30. It felt good.

Happily, Danny got better, and he eventually went back to school. It doesn’t matter if it’s a sick day, school day, or weekend, though, because the boy keeps barking orders — 40, 50, 60, 70, and today, I swam 80 laps. It took me an hour to finish, and while I tell Danny I might not be able to keep going up and up and up because of the time commitment (I do have a job, after all), I just can’t seem to refuse him. I guess it’s because I want him to see me accept the task. We like the “never-give-up” mantra in our house, and well, I don’t want him (or Joey) to see me quit or otherwise blow off an opportunity for exercise. My wish is that one day, when faced with something they think they can’t conquer, they remember their momma, chuggin’ through the water, swallowing mouthfuls of chlorine and hanging onto the side of the pool, sucking wind.

There are other reasons I don’t quit: I like having a goal, I like the motivation, and swimming like a crazy person is making me more fit — my biceps are better, my body feels more toned, and soaring through the water has been a great diversion from the running blues.

How far will I go with these laps? I’m not sure. But I do know this: I’ve got plans for 90 tomorrow.

Danny is such a good singer, and I really don’t think I’m saying that just because I’m his mom. He’s got that raspy, throaty sound, and when he belts out his favorite tunes, I just marvel at what he can deliver. He’s not convinced he’s all that good, and so he sneaks at singing, turns his vocals into baby babble when he knows we’re watching, and he flat out refuses to let us record him. “Hot Dog” was the last time we got a video camera near him.

Danny thinks football is in his future, because, well, he’s winding up his first season of flag, and that’s how he knows he probably has a shot at playing center as a pro. But me, well, I think he’s more likely to be a performer of some sort. And just as soon as I capture some more audio of my singing boy, I’ll be sure to share.

For now, though, just imagine a 6-year-old boy watching this video (his No. 1 pick at the moment), and cranking out the lyrics like a superstar.

Apple of My Eye

Danny marched down his elementary school hallway today at pick-up time wearing the coveted Apple of My Eye crown. It’s a good day.

Apple of My Eye is what select first-grade kids earn on Fridays for a week of stellar behavior. Danny has been working really hard to score the honor — well, when he wasn’t talking during tests, pinching kids and being silly.

My man’s efforts paid off on this fine February 11 (“I’m working on being Apple today,” he announced on the way to school this morning), and along with his construction-paper hat, he brought home a hand written note from his teacher:

You have been trying very hard. This week was much improved. Good job helping and doing what you need to do. You are a great friend to others as well!

He is very proud. We are, too. That’s why we’re taking him to the restaurant of his choice (Sonny’s), right after he finishes up his Apple homework — he has a journal entry to write, an illustration to make and a questionnaire to complete (he’s already revealed Mac and Cheese as his fave food, and he wrote that he wants to be a NASCAR racer when he grows up).

Danny will also take in some photos and a special show-and-tell item on Tuesday when he goes back to school, because next week he will reign as top Apple. Then on Friday, someone else will march down the hallway after school all happy and beaming, just like Danny did.

Photo: One in a Million / [ tumblr ]

I much prefer when my boys make me smile than frown, cry, yell and scream. Sometimes, I have to make a focused effort to ensure my face looks happy, though, and it also takes some pretty heavy-duty work some days to flip-flop my head around so that frustration doesn’t take over. Silence helps, so do candles, hot bubble baths, long runs, kid-free dinners out, and when I’m feeling extravagant, pedicures. But one of my best methods for reversing the ragged moments is reading inspirational quotes. Perfect then that I just found the fantastic site called One in a Million. It’s “a place to come when you really need to smile,” writes 22-year-old Sara, who put this masterpiece together for herself and her mother — her goal was to keep their spirits up in the face of her mom’s incurable cancer, and I’m telling ya: This really is the place to find a smile, and now that I know about this mood-altering spot, you can bet I’ll be visiting, like, all. the. time.

It’s just that good.

See for yourself.