Braving Boys

Listen up, boys!

Writer Abigail Thomas offers on her blog various assignments for writers — budding writers, experienced writers, any writers, really. She sets forth a task, and the writer writes. Today, I grabbed this assignment:

Two pages of instructions to the child

Here’s what I wrote in my black and white composition book that I’m calling my summer journal. I write almost every day with my boys, who are penning their summer journeys, and while they wrote about boating and building a basketball hoop, I filled two pages with instructions to them. Here’s what I wrote:

• Listen. How many times have you heard that word?
• Follow the rules. They are meant for your safety, or someone else’s safety. If there’s a rule for something, it means someone has tried doing things another way, and it didn’t work out so well. Mostly, anyway.
• When someone says, “Stop,” please stop. Right then. Not after you pester a few more times.
• Love. It’s so much easier than hate.
• Be honest. You’ll always be in less trouble for telling the truth than if I discover you have lied.
• Admit when you are wrong. Not many people can do this, so you’ll be a winner if you do. Plus, you’ll feel so much better about yourself in the end.
• Aim for peace in everything you do, not conflict.
• Find something that helps you cope with life — talking to someone, a jog, a good book, singing (Danny!) — because there will be lots of bumps in the road. Getting over them is key.
• Be your own person. Don’t copy what you think you like about someone else. Just be you.
• Don’t bully, and tell us if someone is bullying you, so we can help you nip it in the bud right away.
• Don’t hit, punch, bite, or harm in any way another person or animal. Even the teeny, tiny grasshopper you think would look nice squashed on our back porch. Just leave living things alone. Please. Even though I’m aware that you are boys and that’s kind of what you do — squash things.
• Tell us everything. We’ll love you no matter what.
• Learn to take care of yourself. Example: Master the chore of laundry before you leave for college.
• Try new things, and finish what you start. If you don’t like something, don’t go back for more. But don’t quit midstream.
• Pick nice friends. If your radar says someone is a little shady, listen to it.
• Listen to your gut. If it tells you something isn’t right, it probably isn’t.
• Eat healthy most of the time. I know you love bunches of candy, and ice cream, and cookies, and cake, but use them sparingly, because what you burn off your little bodies now won’t disappear so fast when you are something like 40. Believe me. I know. Oh, and healthy food keeps you, well, healthy.
• Exercise as much as you can, because it’s good for just about every part of your body.
• Wear your seat belt, because it just might save your life. Oh, and I’m sorry I’m keeping you in the backseat until you’re 12, even though I was up front as a wee one (and without a seat belt, too). The back is just the safest place for kids, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I let you sit near the airbag and it hurt you.
• Wear helmets. And mouth guards. And whatever safety gear is recommended for all the sports that worry me so.
• Don’t cheat. It’s never worth it.
• Always work your hardest. It’s always worth it.
• Don’t tattle unless someone or something is in danger. Translation: Try to settle your scores all by yourself. You’re old enough to do this now.
• Rest when your body needs it. You’ll know when this time comes, because you’ll be cranky and crabby and little red lines will appear across the whites of your eyes, just like they do for Daddy.
• Wash your hands after the potty. Magic soap is OK, but real soap and water is my preference.
• Brush and floss well. Trust me, you don’t want to pay the dentist for more than cleanings. Dental work is expensive. Way expensive!
• Clean out your ears. That wax is yucky.
• Cut your nails. I know you try to get away with growing them long, but it’s not attractive. Promise.
• Keep your hair tidy. I realize you want it long and hanging in your face, and swirled here and there, but a clean, short cut is so much more impressive, and it helps you see better, too. Remember that lady in Publix, Joey, who complimented you on your nice, short haircut? My point exactly.
• Help others. It makes them feel happy, and it will soothe your soul, too.
• Say please and thank you. Always.
• Write thank-you notes. I mean real notes with your beautiful handwriting, pouring out your gratitude.
• Speak when someone speaks to you. I’m talking teachers, and other kids’ parents, and, well, not strangers who make you feel uncomfortable.
• Never approach someone’s car, or accept a ride, or agree to anything unless your dad or I tell you it’s OK. Joey, I am so proud of you for walking in the rain that day, even though a neighbor had offered to bring you home.
• Know your address and phone number.
• Stick up for your family members at all times. There’s safety in numbers, and we are a strong 4!
• Before you take any action or make any decision, ask yourself if it’s worth it, and determine what the consequences might be if you move forward. Regret is a horrible thing.
• Learn from my mistakes, and Daddy’s mistakes. That’s why we tell you stories about hiding glasses in the bedroom closet in first grade and the horrible vision that may have resulted from not wearing them — so you see what a silly thing it was to do.
• Find a job you love. That way, it won’t really seem like work.
• And remember this key instruction: No matter what, no matter when, you can always come home.
• Oh, wait, one more thing: Don’t ramble on. Just get to the point. Like I clearly did not do in this post (hey, I had to write two pages, just following the rules). OK, I’ll stop instructing. You start living.